Forgotten - We are morning raids

Oh, and by the way...

...Felmyst is dead after 4 hours total. If anyone still cares about god-moding Sunwell Plateau.

Patch 3.0.2 Hyjinx

Felmyst to 18% after 2 hours of attempts? Nah, thanks to patch 3.0.2, "Ezmode of Doom", that's old news. No, I have news of an undocumented but highly entertaining new addition to World of Warcraft. If you hate all the plodding, time-consuming aspects of having to clear an instance, have no fear! now you can have a shaman drop their lava totem, banish that pesky mathematical concept called "Z-Axis" and voila! no more effort to clear, the entire instance comes to you instead! (Warning: Lava totems may be hazardous to your health. Forgotten is not responsible for any death, dismemberment, or body cavity violation that may result from this maneuver. Click the pic below for a better, animated version.)

Note: Apparently having a shaman with the Jenkins title who is well-known for "oops" moments discover this special feature for you grants your party 10 extra secret Achievement Points!!!

We Want The Funk, Give Us The Funk!

/cues 70's-style feelgood celebratory pre-disco music

/grinds hips against the raid

What's there to say?

How about in before the nerf?
How about a severe recruitment handicap being mornings?
How about hordeside we're now #2 on the server in addition to #1 in the morning?
How about a mere 15 hours, spanning 5 raids, of trying this bitch??
Grats to you, my niggelies, we pass the gear test with flying colors, Brutallus is dead.

PS: This kill is dedicated to Labiamorte and Barricaid, since you two terribads love to troll our site still and give us motivation. Its incalculable how much you contributed to our success with your consistent, constant non-presence...I just can't find all the words to tell you how valuable you aren't, we just couldn't have done it with you guys!

Back Up On The Horse

Believe it. After an awful end-of-the-xpac summer, poor recruitment, often forced to take the biggest dregs on the server just to have bodies at our raids until we found better (and we have!)...happy crappy sports fans, we're back on track and with the death of one confused dragon, now a sunwell guild.

Congratulations most of all to those of you who have persevered through bad times and bad players to remain here now. We couldn't have done this without you. Thanks to you, we will have maintained our #1 US ranking among Hordeside morning raiding guilds until the very end of The Burning Crusade!

New Guild Master

Post is in the Members forums. Once Haklor gets his ass online, I'll pass GM abilities to him. I already miss raiding with ya'll, but I know you'll tear it uuuuuup!

Victory

Forgotten, I do believe you just got yourself the power-up and won the game.

Regardless of what other content they throw on top, be it current or future, this guild was created and cultivated with a singular goal in mind:

Kill Illidan Stormrage.

Well today, happy crappy sports fans, that day has finally arrived. Through lovers, and haters, fans and foes, doubters and pouters, we arrived at our destination and did something very few players will achieve.

Everyone in our guild, past and present, who ever downed a boss in a raid with us deserves at least a sliver of credit for our success. Today's progression is made possible by yesterday's execution, as I like to say. And certainly the roster of players we have under our tag today are some of the most talented and determined players we've ever had in Forgotten.

Each and every one of you, bench or rotation, made this possible, and deserve to feel very proud of what you've accomplished here. Helluva job guys and gals!!!

But there are also a few dear and departed I would like to thank for various contributions, though they are no longer with us (and in no particular order):

To Hague - For being one of the best healers we had (during boss fights). You couldn't set an alarm clock or pass on that last Jager bomb to save your life, but most days we needed you, you dragged ass online and gave us the oomph we needed. Many a lousy Thursday were salvaged due to you rushing home from class and logging in. I've never met an authority figure more belligerent about authority figures in my life, yet somehow you did pretty well to keep the pulse of your class and to represent them in the best way you knew how.

To Cowsie - Your cyber forged this reign. The lure of thy e-sex built the first core raiding group...though curiously they mostly all disappeared after you left...

To Gompi - Jesus didn't die for you.

To Brogan - For the longest time, you were like this legendary pinnacle of hunter excellence, and the entire hunter roster dwelt in your shadow. I don't know if you're as good as your myth, but where most guilds just shove their hunters in a dark dumb corner of dumbness to be forsaken save when md is needed, you made us believe that actual good and smart players could be found among your class.

To Ilgom - hahaha l2ret bitch.

To Zorndefol - Your personality overshadows the fact that you were one of the most flexible paladins we had on our squad, and would heal or tank or do whatever the hell the raid needed at the drop of a dime. I actually liked you until the very end. I still can't believe you got so anally fixated on such a craptastic weapon. Ironically, if you had ever just apologized and asked to be reinvited, you probably would have been taken back.

To Heftybag - Of all those no longer with us, probably the Unsung Hero of Forgotten. Fantastic healer, reliable as hell, drama free. No, I don't want to suck your cock, but seriously the kind of guy you want as both a fellow raider and a friend. Sir, your contributions were felt even after you left; leaving me your account so I could play your druid saved our Kael'thas attempts for two weeks while we restocked on healers. I can't stress enough how much you still to this day enabled us to be successful.

To Vazuras - Our second biggest "Flexadin", you sir also saved raids with your willingness to spec whatever. I always respected your honesty and how you took responsibility for your own mistakes. You were a good player; I think we just caught you at the end of your career where you were so burned out that it was hard for you to really get into it anymore.

To Emancipator - I hate you, and hope you're still choking on that T4 pants token.

To Shalafein - If there was a loyalty award, you'd get it. I think someday we should rename Tab 6 "The Shalafein Memorial Bank Tab". You worked hard despite some setbacks that would have made most players quit altogether. Oh, and along the way, maybe educated a few hetero's on the difference between a 'top' and a 'bottom'.

To Darkhearts - We dedicate this post to your offspec(s).

To Moonshield - When you weren't alt-f4ing, you were fire. You would have enjoyed us here at the end, I think you'd be surprised by how much we have become what we probably needed to be from the beginning.

To Aveana - Maybe there's bad blood, maybe there isn't. I don't know. I know that as the original guildleader of Forgotten, my first class leader, and someone that guided this group from Attumen to Magtheridon, in my opinion you deserve our acknowledgement and thanks.

To Bladehate - I guess maybe in retrospect you should have followed up on a certain shadowpriest application back in May 2007, instead of just blowing him off, huh?

To Furymaster - For proving the Patrick Ewing Theory is still alive and well.

To Suudar - Every good story needs a villain...and nothing galvanizes people like getting fucked over by someone they trusted.

To Maxwell Caulfield - You were awesome in Grease 2, man. C-OO-L...R-I-D-E-R...

Ok, maybe I'm getting carried away here, so I'll wrap this up. If I've missed somebody, please, make a comment on this post and mention them because I'm sure they deserve it too.

And I will say one last thing. On June 8, 2007, I transferred away from a floudering 'casual raiding' guild with the hope that here, on Thrall, in this budding morning guild I would find people with the stones necessary to do whatever it took to beat Illidan. One year and one day later...we've done just that. I want to thank each and every one of you for making it possible for me. You listened to me, you followed my strats and my calls, you believed in me when I said that I knew how to get us here...from top to bottom, you all gave me that chance, and I want to sincerely thank you for it. Its been an honor getting you to our destination. I hope you enjoy the fruits of our mutual labor, through Sunwell, through Lich King, for a long time to come.

Congratulations Forgotten.

Uno Mas!!!!!!

Uno mas por favor, mi amigos!!!

(NSFW, QQ, etc...click for real image)

Ummmm....no Kao, I didn't mean you, Matchbox Man. You look spread pretty thin there already. I mean, one more boss in Black Temple left standing...well...sorta crouching really:

Yes friends, the Illidari Council, a secret order of Blood Elf nobles comprised of 3 powerful women and a man at the height of their po...what? Oh. Ok, 4 powerful *male* blood elves who..dammit, what now?

Meh...androgynous bastards, whoever they are, whatever they are, they dead now:

Unprepared and just for the sake of it, we took a single stab at bigboy before we called it, which went well until his buddies appeared:

That's ok Illy, we'll see you again soon enough.

One Big Dead Bitch

Jokes are nifty and cool, but this accomplishment deserves to stand simply on its own merit. Mother Shahraz dead after an hour and a half, on the first day we see her, with 2 people under 100 SR. Every single one of you deserves a huge congratulations, and here's your money shot:

Reliquary of Bowels Has Been Flushed!

What a victory! Two bosses in one week yet again! And this one sure wasn't an easy battle!!

First we had to defeat the Essence of Suffering:

(NSFW, QQ, etc...click for real image)

To beat this phase, basically our tanks and rogues had to stand toe-to-toe with this big, bad bowl of doom, using their shields and avoidance abilities to keep clear of its Chunky Brown Splatter effect. Meanwhile, our raid had to keep Trinkets of Loaf Pinching handy, to stay clear of the Diarrheal Fire that flooded across the floor. All this, *and* avoid the giant spinning S-shaped Grumper Of Doom in the middle of the area. (S for Suffering, of course...grumpers are never fun to pass are they?).

Phase 2 kicked off with a fart and a bang, where we faced the very dangerous Essence of Desire:

(NSFW, QQ, etc...click for real image)

As you can see, this was no mean feat. The worst part was staying out of the deadly Rain of Poop effect that would randomly appear like a hemorrhoid upon the anus of our raid. In fact, it's difficult without a visual aid to explain how we beat this pivotal part of the encounter, so let me zoom in on the fight a little:

(NSFW, QQ, etc...click for real image)

The raid took up four main positions: At point A, the MT stood, in the middle of the Colostial Ring. The raid set up at point B, in the middle of the Fecal Wastes region. Finally, two groups of healers lined up at points C and D. This way they were able to take turns running in and out of range of the Twin Cheeks, avoiding when one hit their side of the room, allowing the other group to stay in while the Cheek on their side raised up to proc Sphincter Stretch.

Phase 3: Essence of Anger

(NSFW, QQ, etc...click for real image)

This is the bloodiest part of the fight. Some have speculated that this may be the 'female' aspect of the three Essences. I'm not sure exactly about ALL the different exciting and dynamic pacing effects that this boss possessed, but I do know I felt very cranky, depressed, and had occasional jabs of cramping in my loins while we did this phase. We used Caudrons of Tylenol PM, and our engineers broke out their EZ-Glide Applicator Feminine Hygiene Bandages, but the entire raid still soaked massive damage. She seemed to blow her Menstruation cd every chance she got. I think she has some kind of Hateful Blow ability too, since several of our raid members inexplicably got pissed off mid-attempt and logged immedately to go out drinking with friends at nearby strip clubs. Finally though, we stauched the flow and defeated this challenging encounter!!

Outstanding job guys, one and all. Last but not least, here's your victory screenshot:

(PS: This post is dedicated to Eakss, who texts me in the middle of the night with unsolicited, graphic photos of women pooping on men, other women, and occasionally themselves. I don't know why he does this.)

A Cure For Genital Warts...

(NSFW, QQ, etc...click for real image)

...will not be found on the post, sorry, as much as we'd like to have achieved such a marvelous breakthrough in medical science, we're sad to announce you all will still be living with itchy, irritated, and sometimes painful swollen lumps until another, happier day.

But, in better news, we did cure another kind of nasty boil: